Why i like pictures so much

Sometimes it reminds you of the crazy things some people can do

Sometimes, its a great way to pass the time

Sometimes i can fool myself that i have nice legs

And sometimes i can fool people to think i don't have fat arms

BUT MOST OF ALL...

It's about the memorable things that you can never erase from your memory- and the photo is only a sweet memento, an excuse to look at it, and.......

............................... LAUGH!!! XD

P/S- Kinna, if you're reading this, you know i love you right? But not the crazy pants though, hehe.

For the record...

It's 1.25 a.m.

For the record...
It's officially Monday. Which means i have about 6 more days at home.


For the record...
I am dreading moving back to college- new room, and new roomies. Will i get ultra-religious, ultra-tidy freaks? Or will i get super-studious girls who tsk-tsk my late night sojourns? I'm crossing my fingers for perfection, but we all know that knocking on wood is just to fool the cynic in us.


For the record...
I feel like a lost lamb. I've registered my subjects, look through my tentative schedule, and yet i can't muster enough enthusiasm that's needed to attain my goals next semester. I need a change and step up my game, especially after screwing up last year. But if first year was so hard, it scares me- can i cope with 2nd year?

For the record...
It's been about 3 weeks since i found/ figured out that it's pretty much over. Technically, i am somewhat in limbo. It's just a matter of sitting down and formalising the decision. God, it sounds so cold, but it is what it is- and it wasn't my choice to begin with.

I've been holding up ok, surprisingly well for someone in my situation. But i am still human on the inside, and somewhere inside this shell lives a heart that's taken more beatings than it should- considering how much it's owner has strived to protect it. It fucking hurts on those days when something random catches your attention- a line from a song, dialogue, a picture- and you're brought back to a warm memory. You smile and lose yourself in it- and then catch yourself. Because it's not going to happen anymore, and the social laws of mankind have dictated that thou shall not think fondly of a person that should not be thought of that way again.

And then there's hope. Hope is a double edged sword. It can be the light that guides you, and it can be the wooden floorboards that snap under the slightest of preassure. Hope is dangerous because it clouds your judgment, and it placates your feelings, when instead you should be bracing yourself and preparing for the future. The pessimist in me hates having Hope, because it makes me weak, and i don't want to be mollycoddled. I want to be prepared for the worst, so that when it does hit me, i can look it in the eye and laugh. But i've learnt, that maybe, having a little Hope sometimes is good, if only for me to get through the day feeling a little better about myself.


For the record...
It's 1.57 a.m. And writing this hasn't made me feel better at all.

Food For Thought

Haley: Are you really in love with him or are you just in love with the idea of him?

Peyton: If I'm being honest, maybe a little bit of both.
I think I miss what I thought we would be.

Sun, sand and..... GIGGLES!

I think one of the biggest mysteries to those who own a Y chromosome is how the opposite sex are able to get high on absolutely no chemical substance whatsoever. The fact that girls can get together, laugh their arse off at the slightest (sometimes even not funny) thing and procede to cook up and execute crazy-ass shenanigans will forever remain a mystery to boys.

Happily, this phenomena happened in bucket-loads last weekend at my real vay-kay with two girlfriends, with a supporting cast that includes her lovely familia and equally lovely bf.

Top 4 LOL-Retardo moments

No.4
LongLegs, CrazyPants and myself are chatting in the deep end (read:10 feet deep) about.... well, boys obviously. I'm holding on to the bars of the the ladder, the other two to the sides of the pool.

Me: But but... i find it so disturbing.... *i suddenly let go off the bar and go off away from the edge*

LongLegs and Crazy Pants: *laugh* So drama. Tharish! Come back here. *laughs some more*

Crazy Pants: Shit. I think she's really drowning. *dives in and saves me*

Me: *sputters, coughs* What to you so long?!!

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No. 3
LongLegs is driving fast at night. CrazyPants is at the back, I'm riding shotgun. LongLegs beats a yellow light in the nick of time.

LongLegs: YEAH! I beat the green light!

Me: Who the heck beats a green light???
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No.2
LongLegs, Crazy Pants and I are in the car with LongLeg's bf who's driving. He brings us to a mamak place.

Me: *looks at the sign* Whadda heck is a Temiang Goreng? Some Negeri Sembilan speciality?

*everyone starts laughing their ass off*

The sign said Temiang CORNER.
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No.1
LongLegs, CrazyPants and I are at a shopping mall, browsing the women's section.

Me: I really want a shirt like this. The cut's really nice too.

CrazyPants: Yeah, plaid looks nice.

LongLegs: Eww. Looks so Bangla lah.

Me: *points to her shirt* Yeah, you rockin the Bangla look what....

LongLegs:*looks down at her own plaid shirt*. Owh shiet.

Dread. And the ilk.

Despair. Dissapointment. Rejection. Hopelessness. Heartbreak.

In my current state of mind, nothing beats the feeling of dread.

Because dread is a fear of the future. That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that something bad is about to happen. When you don't know what will happen in the future, your mind tends to flip between two extremes (i) By imagining the worst possible scenario; and (ii) Lying to yourself and actually harbouring false hope- that things won't turn out the way you know they will.

I hate it when things are indefinite and are just hanging in limbo. A big part of me wants to get it over and done with- its easier to bite the bullet and deal with the hard stuff, and freakin move on with the rest of your life.

Yet there is a small part of me- the insecure, scared and fragile little girl- who might just be liking the fact that nothing is set in stone- Yet. She can hope, and she can try to change things, even though it might take nothing short of a miracle to change it.

But i still the bottom of my stomach still feels quesy.

Step 1

60 minutes of gardening burns 300 kcals

60 minutes of walking burns 200 kcals

90 minutes of football burns 600 kcals

45 minutes of dancing burns 450 kcals

1. I hate gardening. Its something to do with a childhood trauma that involves gigantic hairy red-eyed caterpillars. PASS!

2. Ok, walking sounds decent. I used to brisk walk around the lake in UM till exam period. Headphones on playing The Strokes- hell yeah. (My fave tho, was SUM41's With You)

3. Err. I don't plan on starting to play football, or even futsal. Forget 90mins, I think i might die on the field after 15 minutes. PASS!

4. YES YES YES YES YES! I love dancing, and i don't care if i look dumb! Oh, but the people dancing infront of the windowpane at California Fitness at MidV a bit extreme lah.

So step 1 is: Get my body into shape. Healthy and hot. Best combo to have.

Why music should come in vitamins that you can swallow.

Song No.1- The Obligatory 'I-Must-Have-A-Sad-Song-Cause-Then-That'd-Be-Denial'
James Morrison- Pieces Don't Fit Anymore

I've been twisting and turning in a space that's too small
I've been drawing the line and watching it fall
You've been closing me in , closing the space in my heart
Watching us fading and watching us fall apart

Well I can't explain why it's not enough
Coz I gave it all to you
And if you leave me now
Oh just leave me now
It's the better thing to doI

It's time to surrender
It's been too long pretending
There's no use in trying
When the pieces don't fit anymore

You pulled me under
So i had to give in
Such a beautiful mess
That's breaking my skin
Well i'll hide all the bruises
I'll hide all the damage that's done
But show how i'm feeling
Until all the feeling has gone

Oh, don't misunderstand how I feel
Coz I've tried, yes I've tried
Still I don't know why
No I don't know why
Why I can't explain why it's not enough

Song No.2: The Other Obligation- The Pick Me Up Song

Jason Mraz feat James Morrison- Details in the Fabric
You better listen to this song. Its aweeeeesomeeee!
(and my other song choice for this category was I Kissed A Girl, hehe)

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
And everything will be fine Everything will be fine mmmhmm

Hang on Help is on the way
Stay strong I'm doing everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all Everything

Just words.

If words were as plain
As the paper they’re written on
It wouldn’t take much
To undo fleeting promises
And unbleed a heart

Scratch it deep
Whitewash
Tear it out
Start over
Fresh sheets

But you know- don’t you
Once they’ve left you
They run unbridled
Up and down the spine
Circuits that trigger
Explosions in the brain

So slow it down
Let the ink drip dry
Don’t bind those words-
From you
To me

No knife would be sharp enough
And then you’d know

Open. Close. Open. Close?

Its really, really sad when someone sits down in front of their computer to pen down their thoughts at 1 a.m cause they're down and they've just pretty much run out of people they can talk to with no shame. Because its a Monday night. And its 1a.m.

I think at one point or another, i hate letting new people into my life. I like the people i know, people whom i love and care and most importantly, been there for me. These people.. they've never promised me anything, but they've been there for me time and time again, and for that i am grateful.

A lot of kinds of people drift into life's journey. There's the above mentioned kind, the kinda that stick to you for a very long time. There's the kind tht come along for awhile, and then leave without incident by drifting apart. And then there are the ones that you remember. The ones that made their mark.

These 'special ones' are the ones that somehow get under your skin. One minute you're strangers, and the next you've developed a bond. And when they leave... they don't leave incident free. They leave you with scars, and things to ponder upon for a very very long time. They leave you asking a question that you wished you had sensibly asked yourself earlier:

"Why did i let him/her in?"

But you know the answer. You knew it all along. Its because you never saw it coming. And you never wanted to.

Oh don't worry. You'll make the same mistake again. You won't learn your lesson. Cause if you ever do, that just means you have officially lost faith in mankind and the bonds we make with each other. And that would make you a sad, sad human being. More pathetic than me writing at 1.30 a.m.

I may not be making much sense right now. But right now, this i believe truly- deep in my bones, and this i shall take to my bed tonight.

Goodnight, one and all.

There will always be a bump. Always

Things were starting to look up.

Mom got discharged from the hospital. The family was happy once again. Awesome news from my special someone. Won a Paris Hilton handbag. Results arent officially (read: its not in the mail addressed to my parents) out yet.

Then the other shoe dropped. The one that affected the whole nation.

Yes, the price of fuel has gone up.

While we are lucky that we've got the subsidy in place (the only subsidy i agree to because it is equal and not exclusive to a certain race), its a bit of a drastic and sudden change, that when analysed seems a little to rash and not properly executed. For a country that claims to protect the interests of the 'small' people and being a paternalistic state (though i doubt it will ever openly claim to being so), the so-called 'plan' kinda sucks. Rebates? By post order? WTF??

Its a classic of the rich, well not exactly getting richer(unless you work in oil and gas), but the poor definitely getting way poorer. Food, transport, entertainment.... i shudder to think about the effects. Funny how we produce fuel and yet get the same fate as everyone else.

But i suppose its part and parcel of living in the capitalistic world today. So what does the layman/woman do? They wait for things to get better.

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By golly i sound like i'm always unhappy. I'm not, i promise!