Memory. Oh.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TlvOxu4-NV8&feature=relmfu

Funny how after everything. When i heard this song. I felt exactly the way the song was meant to feel. About you.

Making Space.

Burning bridges is never easy. Because you only burn the bridges you cared about.

I've had to burn two this week. One, because really, what other option is there that isn't hypocritical? And the second, to protect him.

The former was hard enough. The second one is giving me much, much heartache. Yes, he did me wrong. But for what it's worth, he knows it, has apologized, and as i've told him- i put him in the spot to make those decisions. So the only way to do right, is for me to burn our bridges.

Some might think i'm one for drastic decisions. Perhaps. But thats just who i am. If i'm gonna feel and speak as passionately as i do, then my actions should reflect that, no? The last thing i want to be labelled as is a hypocrite.

This is a transition. And they're not meant to be easy.

Fortitude.

Facing the Facts.

I hate you. I hate how you always, ALWAYS successfully manage to turn things around and make it about you. To turn it around and make everyone else the villain. Everyone but you of course. You have no faults. You are not the reason that people were genuinely upset with you. You have never committed any of the wrongs you magnify. Doesn’t it ever occur to you that there is a damn good reason why people get upset?

Nope. Of course not.

You’re always right.

And the weak. The weak are the ones who follow you. Who enforce that shrine you’ve built for yourself. The rest of us, we were weak too. I suppose in some ways we were always weak. Never immune to your charms. The strong ones, the ones who resisted and refused to take more crap. They were the ones you vilified. I suppose we never fell into that category. Because we weren’t strong enough. To say it to your face. Some of us have given you so much. Almost everything you asked for, we gave. And gave. In return we used to feel good to be in your good graces.

That used to be enough.

Yet everyone has their limits. I reached mine. Catapulted by a disastrous event I am not proud of, I decided to severe our ties. If you only knew why. The reason which you would never believe, given the circumstances. It’s not like you wanted to listen to it. And boy, how you ripped me into shreds. But you spun your own version, and subsequently doing what you’ve just accused me of publicly. Oh wait. How could I be so sure it was me? You left it vague. Impersonal.

And yet again, we hide behind our monitors.

I thought that perhaps letting go was best. You’d be surprised at the things I know. Yes, I know about the lies. Yes, I know about the venom you spread to others. If my mistake was confiding about my feelings to those I mistakenly trusted, then so be it. At least I am not culpable of spreading lies to those that know no better.

But hey. We all make mistakes. Especially when we’ve just been hurt.

So as time passed, I decided to move on. Let you back in to my life. Enjoyed your companionship. Because time doesn’t heal all wounds. It merely makes you forget how much it hurt.

As per usual. I do this. And I end up getting hurt, again. Sure, you feel betrayed. You think I don’t? Oh wait. No one else matters but you and your feelings. Good luck with that.

As for me, I’m done feeling sorry for myself. I’m done trying to justify your actions. I’m done thinking the best of you, even after everything. And I’m certainly done with this faux toxic relationship.

Perhaps, it’s best if you think about things a little longer, and think about why we felt the way we did. Why there seems to be a pattern to how people surrounding you behave. Like you used to say, X amount of people can’t ALL be wrong together?