Yeah. It was good for me. It just felt..... good.

Fresh starts. In more way than one.

Listening to: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy.

Just finished reading: The Time Traveller's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

"Clare, i want to tell you again. I love you. Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine i could ever trust. Tonight i feel that my love for you has more density in this world than i do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you"

-taken off Henry's last letter to Clare
The Time Traveller's Wife.

It is extremely rare that a book manages to move me so intensely. While my love for books and literature has always been one of the things that has defined me, thus far, only music has been abled to move me so deeply that i felt the need to share this.

It is quite simply, about love. While the main premise, of a man who time travels unwillingly sounds like a plot for a sci-fi novel, it is far from it. The time travelling almost serves as a background at times to the love between Henry and Clare. Obstacles come in many ways, for true love is never as easy as just saying I Love You, is it?

Eventhough at the end of the day, there is a lot of sadness and longing in this book, the showcase of the heartbreaking beauty of love is what makes this novel standout.

It's given me hope. In more ways than one.
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I've just started my new semester, and it's extremely ironic that at the end of this first week i find myself down with a fever. It's not full blown, and hopefully will subside soon to make way for the many, many things that are starting to clutter my calender and giving me a headrush.

Started the week by truly and finally finishing off what should have never started and should have ended a long time ago. It feels good to be finally free (as cold and heartlesss as that sounds), but it's not as free and easy as i hoped that it would be. Remnants of disapointment linger on at times. Yet, it is times like this that i learn more and more about myself. Sometimes i'm proud of how i haven't cried, but sometimes it also scares me how emotionally detached i am. Maybe i've built walls too thick that when i lower my defences, i never really do. Maybe i've been fooling myself all along, that i might have never truly opened myself up to anybody, ever. And thats a little more than scary, because i don't ever want to leave this earth without anyone ever truly knowing me for who i am. Without anyone loving me because of who i am, and not despite it.
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Clutter, clutter
Cause Tharish's a nutter


Some one, please remind me again why i always get myself involved into too many things? Oh wait, because i just can't say no.

No. nonono. NONONONO. no. nononoonononono. NO. nooooOOOOOO.

Ok, maybe thats enough practice? Sigh.

Been asked to sing for one event, for two nights. UNPAID!!!. Transport and food provided, but still. Its on a weekend that i will be crazy busy on, since i've got 3, yes THREE events to be at.

1. Global Youth Symposium (GYS) 08
- I wish i never said yes to this. I'm the person in charge of panellists, forums, etc etc.
Voluntary work that i have zero passion for.

2. IIUM League
-I've been asked to be a DCA (Deputy Chief Adjudicator, for those non-debaters) for this
league, which will stretch for 3 weekends. Its a great honour to be asked, especially since
i've only been debating for less than a year, and the CA and other DCA have at least 5 years
more of experience and are well respected in the M'sian debating circle. I'd actually really
enjoy this, but i'm also afraid that i can't handle this: the commitment and the responsibility
are huge. But i think it'd be more than worth it.

3. The singing thing mentioned above. Its for some dinner for international students and some
ministers. Not very interested, but the person who asked me is very persistant, and
persistance unfortunately, is a weak spot for me.

Oh, and i've also been asked to play at an acoustic gig next weekend by a friend. Yup, playing the guitar and singing my OWN music!! Aaaaahhhh!!

For those out of the loop, the last time i played my own music, alone with only my guitar for company, was my first open mic. At which i totally bombed. Because i freaked myself out. Traumatised. Avoided doing it ever since.

But i think its time i put aside my fear and just freakin do it! How lonh should i hide and not face my fears. Who knows, maybe i won't suck this time around ;p. Its a small show, so all i have to do is tell myself: stop freaking out!

BREATHE THARISH, BREATHE!

Why i like pictures so much

Sometimes it reminds you of the crazy things some people can do

Sometimes, its a great way to pass the time

Sometimes i can fool myself that i have nice legs

And sometimes i can fool people to think i don't have fat arms

BUT MOST OF ALL...

It's about the memorable things that you can never erase from your memory- and the photo is only a sweet memento, an excuse to look at it, and.......

............................... LAUGH!!! XD

P/S- Kinna, if you're reading this, you know i love you right? But not the crazy pants though, hehe.

For the record...

It's 1.25 a.m.

For the record...
It's officially Monday. Which means i have about 6 more days at home.


For the record...
I am dreading moving back to college- new room, and new roomies. Will i get ultra-religious, ultra-tidy freaks? Or will i get super-studious girls who tsk-tsk my late night sojourns? I'm crossing my fingers for perfection, but we all know that knocking on wood is just to fool the cynic in us.


For the record...
I feel like a lost lamb. I've registered my subjects, look through my tentative schedule, and yet i can't muster enough enthusiasm that's needed to attain my goals next semester. I need a change and step up my game, especially after screwing up last year. But if first year was so hard, it scares me- can i cope with 2nd year?

For the record...
It's been about 3 weeks since i found/ figured out that it's pretty much over. Technically, i am somewhat in limbo. It's just a matter of sitting down and formalising the decision. God, it sounds so cold, but it is what it is- and it wasn't my choice to begin with.

I've been holding up ok, surprisingly well for someone in my situation. But i am still human on the inside, and somewhere inside this shell lives a heart that's taken more beatings than it should- considering how much it's owner has strived to protect it. It fucking hurts on those days when something random catches your attention- a line from a song, dialogue, a picture- and you're brought back to a warm memory. You smile and lose yourself in it- and then catch yourself. Because it's not going to happen anymore, and the social laws of mankind have dictated that thou shall not think fondly of a person that should not be thought of that way again.

And then there's hope. Hope is a double edged sword. It can be the light that guides you, and it can be the wooden floorboards that snap under the slightest of preassure. Hope is dangerous because it clouds your judgment, and it placates your feelings, when instead you should be bracing yourself and preparing for the future. The pessimist in me hates having Hope, because it makes me weak, and i don't want to be mollycoddled. I want to be prepared for the worst, so that when it does hit me, i can look it in the eye and laugh. But i've learnt, that maybe, having a little Hope sometimes is good, if only for me to get through the day feeling a little better about myself.


For the record...
It's 1.57 a.m. And writing this hasn't made me feel better at all.

Food For Thought

Haley: Are you really in love with him or are you just in love with the idea of him?

Peyton: If I'm being honest, maybe a little bit of both.
I think I miss what I thought we would be.

Sun, sand and..... GIGGLES!

I think one of the biggest mysteries to those who own a Y chromosome is how the opposite sex are able to get high on absolutely no chemical substance whatsoever. The fact that girls can get together, laugh their arse off at the slightest (sometimes even not funny) thing and procede to cook up and execute crazy-ass shenanigans will forever remain a mystery to boys.

Happily, this phenomena happened in bucket-loads last weekend at my real vay-kay with two girlfriends, with a supporting cast that includes her lovely familia and equally lovely bf.

Top 4 LOL-Retardo moments

No.4
LongLegs, CrazyPants and myself are chatting in the deep end (read:10 feet deep) about.... well, boys obviously. I'm holding on to the bars of the the ladder, the other two to the sides of the pool.

Me: But but... i find it so disturbing.... *i suddenly let go off the bar and go off away from the edge*

LongLegs and Crazy Pants: *laugh* So drama. Tharish! Come back here. *laughs some more*

Crazy Pants: Shit. I think she's really drowning. *dives in and saves me*

Me: *sputters, coughs* What to you so long?!!

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No. 3
LongLegs is driving fast at night. CrazyPants is at the back, I'm riding shotgun. LongLegs beats a yellow light in the nick of time.

LongLegs: YEAH! I beat the green light!

Me: Who the heck beats a green light???
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No.2
LongLegs, Crazy Pants and I are in the car with LongLeg's bf who's driving. He brings us to a mamak place.

Me: *looks at the sign* Whadda heck is a Temiang Goreng? Some Negeri Sembilan speciality?

*everyone starts laughing their ass off*

The sign said Temiang CORNER.
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No.1
LongLegs, CrazyPants and I are at a shopping mall, browsing the women's section.

Me: I really want a shirt like this. The cut's really nice too.

CrazyPants: Yeah, plaid looks nice.

LongLegs: Eww. Looks so Bangla lah.

Me: *points to her shirt* Yeah, you rockin the Bangla look what....

LongLegs:*looks down at her own plaid shirt*. Owh shiet.

Dread. And the ilk.

Despair. Dissapointment. Rejection. Hopelessness. Heartbreak.

In my current state of mind, nothing beats the feeling of dread.

Because dread is a fear of the future. That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that something bad is about to happen. When you don't know what will happen in the future, your mind tends to flip between two extremes (i) By imagining the worst possible scenario; and (ii) Lying to yourself and actually harbouring false hope- that things won't turn out the way you know they will.

I hate it when things are indefinite and are just hanging in limbo. A big part of me wants to get it over and done with- its easier to bite the bullet and deal with the hard stuff, and freakin move on with the rest of your life.

Yet there is a small part of me- the insecure, scared and fragile little girl- who might just be liking the fact that nothing is set in stone- Yet. She can hope, and she can try to change things, even though it might take nothing short of a miracle to change it.

But i still the bottom of my stomach still feels quesy.