Um..

So.. maybe i'm just a taaad bit picky.

But since now i'm ready to tame the whirlwind, shouldn't i be allowed to be just a little discerning? =)

Overused.

I'll make it up to you

I am seriously hating this phrase right now. It's just been used as an attempt to placate me, but what annoys me is the fact that it's been used time and time again by people in my life and they never deliver.

I've never used the phrase. I make solid promises. Well, i try my very best not to dissapoint in the first place. Because really, dissapointment comes from giving expectation, and it's not fair for anyone to nurture or give hope for something he can't deliver. And if you can't deliver, don't make another promise you can't deliver!

Yes. So that's why i hate that phrase. People forget.

As a side note. I find it incredibly ironic that two people dislike each other, even without meeting each other, yet share two major things in common.

1. They both care about me
2. They both have hurt me

Ain't life grand?...

Skinny jeans and the ilk.

You know how people always say 'embrace your curves'. How the opposite sex like women with a little bit of flesh on 'em and not stick figures?

I think it's one big lie.

Cause (and no offense meant here) it's the skinny stick thin girls that end up getting (multiple) guys lining up for 'em. I know some of them don't choose to be skinny just as much as curvy girls don't choose to be curvy, but the fact still stands that the world tilts more towards em. Especially fashion trends. It really, really annoys me when i see girls wearing skinny jeans, and looking good in them, when i have to wear bootcut cuz i'm 'curvy'. It SUCKS.

Ah well. Wishing the fashion world would tilt towards the curvy would be like wishing Bush would be tried for war crimes. Not gonna happen.

I'm gonna work on my Jurisprudence assignment now. Ironically, it's on justice. LOL.

Ha. Ha?

Question: Why is your blog so serious and angsty? You're a really funny person in real life...

Answer: Errr...

Me thinks i've been using this blog as a venting site a weee bit too much. Reading back all the posts makes me sound like an angsty 16 year old child. And boy, i was angsty at 16. Didn't actually slit my wrists or anything like that, but it was bad enough.

So, i think the best way to minimise this is- no, not posting a joke a day-but, to blog more often. Because i really am not upset on a daily basis ya know. There are more good days than bad, i'd like to think.

I'm just scared i'll find something bad to blog about regardless.

Four more back at me.

Sometimes, all you need is a soul-searching conversation to change your perspective on things.

And now, i've realised, maybe it was my fault.

I might have lost what i wanted because i never showed that i wanted it. I never indicated that i cared enough, that i wanted this bad enough that i would fight for it. Because i always give up. I always try to protect myself till the extent that i don't take risks. I become selfish.

Cause really, i did care. I did want this. Maybe you did too, and all i did was push you away.

I'm sorry. I really am. I guess we could have been something. Something good. But i wish you all the happiness in the world with the one you've chosen. And someday maybe, i'll get the same kind of happiness, when i'm ready to stop being selfish.

This Week's Top 5

Reza's blog occasionally has Reza's top 5, or 10 of stuff he likes. I thought i'd update on the Top 5 songs i'm currently into, harkening back to my days as a music critic. They are (in no particular order):

1. Just Jack- Embers

A lot of the non-mainstream music i listen to comes from my habit of picking up songs from TV shows. Gossip Girl is one of my faves for that. This song opened and closed episode 2 of the new season, and i just had to get my hands on it. I love when violins mix with modern beats, like the theme for Mad Men (R2J2's A Beautiful Mine), and as much as the guy doesn't really have the vocal pipes, the song itself is wicked, especially when the guitars kick in the second half. Addictive

2. Unkle Bob- One by One
Another song i picked up from a TV show. This time, it was CSI: Miami. I can't remember the episode, but it closed with this song and i jumped online to search for it. They're a little known band from the UK, and the rest of their stuff is pretty good too. Its interesting how they have a very post-90s American sound, emphasized by the use of the banjo in some of their songs. This one remains my favourite for it's haunting melody and melancholic lyrics.

3. Paramore- Decode
Two reasons why this song is only registering on my radar now. First, i've never been too impressed with Paramore, and with all the hype surrounding them, that acted as a total turnoff. Secondly, it's the soundtrack for Twlight, one of the most insipid movies i've ever paid to watch. But the song is pretty rockin', and as much as people dislike the acoustic version, i like that one too.


4. Rob Thomas- Her Diamonds
I've loved Rob forever. Ever since my primary school days (yes, thats how long it's been), his music with Matchboxtwenty has been extremely influential in my music. I'm so glad he's gotten back to writing songs that sound more like his music with Matchboxtwenty in his solo effort this time. This song is heartbreaking as he opens up about his wife Marisol's struggle with Lupus. The man can do no wrong in my book.

5.Rachael Yamagata featuring Ray LaMontagne- Duet
Discovering Rachael Yamagata's music was like discovering a diamond in the rough. She posseses a deep, quiet voice, and writes music that's deep and moving. Elephants, the first single from the album is a dramatic song, but Duet is a quiet song that is one you hum to on a rainy day. Ray Lamontagne doesn't add much to the song, but provides a nice canvass for Rachael to shine.

Don't blame me

... for being cynical. Like the saying goes, fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Well, shame on me then. Twice fooled. I'd have thought i'd be smarter than to make the same mistake, again. Well, good on you then, for being so good that i trusted you. That i let my guard down.

... for not getting people like you. Your thought process. Your conscience. And the fact that you complain about the problems that you freakin cause. Seriously. Why can't you see that you cause them yourself?

... for starting to lose my belief in karma. I'd like to think i've been a good girl. I'd like to believe that seeing the good in people, and giving them the benefit of the doubt is a good way of living life. Apparently not. Apparently, the selfish ones are the ones that get ahead in life. Look out for yourself, regardless of who you hurt, and you'll be alright. Heck, you'll be fuckin fantastic.

... for giving up.