This Time

Addiction's are the worst things in the world. Especially because you know it's all in your head and all you need to do is just stop.thinking.about.it.

I think i know the root cause of my addiction. It's my lack of access to it. And the fact that i really don't have anything better.

So i'm gonna stop now. Hold back. Worked the last time. Except that i got more and the vicious cycle continued.

Mash was right yesterday. The kitten and the ball of yarn analogy. I'll start now. Today. Yes.

I want my dignity, my pride and yes, my undisputed and reckless ego back. Give me back my pedestal.

Gravity

And he lingers too long on
her lips spouts
Endless rhetorical regrets hitting
Every single unintended target
Ricochets off the breathing walls-yet
Unschathed she continues

Bigger than this, she says
Bigger than us, she claims
Yet she draws on her elbows
Esconed in her flesh cocoon
Center of the universe-nay
Gravity, i am.

*smiles*

Today, i have decided.

To be happy. Regardless of what's going on around, and within me.

I have decided to not wallow in self-misery and angst. I am not 16 anymore, and good music musn't come from angst anymore.

I will take the best parts of life and make them my focus. Because really, life ain't that bad for me. As cliche is this sounds, i am not a refuge, i am not dying, no one i know is dying, my race isn't being killed of by genocide (contrary to what a certain 'illegal society' claims), i am not starving, i am not addicted to anything (maybe a certain person...), and i have a future.

So what if i signed off my life for the next few months? I'd have a shot at Washington.

So what if the next few weeks after finals will be intense? I'd have a shot at winning.

So what if i'm fat and getting fatter? I can lose weight. Or buy new clothes? LOL.

So what if i'm extremely unlucky in love? Just means i'm free and unattached. Mingle!

So what if i'm not cash rich right now? Ok, no postives in this one. But i'm always broke, so....

I shall smile, giggle and laugh more. Life's is... what it is.

Intimacy. Into-Me-I-See. Tm. ROFL!

Bigger things

In life.

I have what i should have.

I have more than what the average person has.

And how do i deal with such a life?

I take it in, and somehow manage to screw it up.

Ticking time bomb, that i am.

My heart goes out to everyone having bigger problems, and issues out there.

Yet my head remains firmly in my own world.

How humanitarian is that for you?

The Link

I'm having problems focusing.

Actually, i've always had problem focusing. Maybe somewhere along the lines doctors should have diagnose me with ADD. Because my ability to get distracted is legendary.

Like right now. My morning classes have been cancelled, and i'm supposed to be studying for my uber hard (clue: everyone failed it last year) test. And yet here i am, blogging and facebooking like i didn't have a care in the world. La-Di-freakin'-Da.

My commitment to something was recently brought up. And its not exactly the first time i've been on the receiving end of such comments. And here's my problem: I Like Too Many Things. And the fact is, i tend to do moderately well at these things.

So yes, as cliche as this sounds, i've ended up being Jack of All Trades, Master to... None.

I don't want to choose. It's almost like asking me to choose which leg i'd like to amputate. Both work fine, but if i cut one off, i'll be able to be the best skipper around, instead of a pretty ok runner. Ok, bad analogy, but you get my drift.

I could always push myself to the limit. Study my arse off, start practicing and performing more music, read up and do more research for debates, and slot in time for daily moot practice. Oh, and let's not forget my commitment to Vox.

Forget any R&R and social life. Forget shopping trips and hours watching tv shows on my laptop.
Forget about getting a boyfriend cause i'd never have enough time and attention to give out.

So do i have it in me?

Trysts

Sticky silence linger
Sours on the melancholy
Simmer prolonged by the knife-
Streams light, gushes.

Shaky ground and yet-you
Intertwine lucid madness
I will believe-
ignore the signs
But thy trysts
Still trump true trust.

Stripped Away

Old, cliched argument, i know.

But what if we were all, stripped away from the superficial assets that define us?

A beautiful face. An enviable and lusted-after body. The gift of gab. A superior intellect. Money. Power. Talent. Charisma.

What are we to the world?

People say a person's personality is what defines him/her. A well cultivated lie, that. Almost a myth, legendary in its overtones of sickly sweet warmth and feel good bastadry.

Yet, a person in the eyes of the public is defined by these superficial assets, whether we like it or not. Is there a point in developing an agreeable personality that is dictated by society then?

Should we all stop trying?