Gravity

And he lingers too long on
her lips spouts
Endless rhetorical regrets hitting
Every single unintended target
Ricochets off the breathing walls-yet
Unschathed she continues

Bigger than this, she says
Bigger than us, she claims
Yet she draws on her elbows
Esconed in her flesh cocoon
Center of the universe-nay
Gravity, i am.

*smiles*

Today, i have decided.

To be happy. Regardless of what's going on around, and within me.

I have decided to not wallow in self-misery and angst. I am not 16 anymore, and good music musn't come from angst anymore.

I will take the best parts of life and make them my focus. Because really, life ain't that bad for me. As cliche is this sounds, i am not a refuge, i am not dying, no one i know is dying, my race isn't being killed of by genocide (contrary to what a certain 'illegal society' claims), i am not starving, i am not addicted to anything (maybe a certain person...), and i have a future.

So what if i signed off my life for the next few months? I'd have a shot at Washington.

So what if the next few weeks after finals will be intense? I'd have a shot at winning.

So what if i'm fat and getting fatter? I can lose weight. Or buy new clothes? LOL.

So what if i'm extremely unlucky in love? Just means i'm free and unattached. Mingle!

So what if i'm not cash rich right now? Ok, no postives in this one. But i'm always broke, so....

I shall smile, giggle and laugh more. Life's is... what it is.

Intimacy. Into-Me-I-See. Tm. ROFL!

Bigger things

In life.

I have what i should have.

I have more than what the average person has.

And how do i deal with such a life?

I take it in, and somehow manage to screw it up.

Ticking time bomb, that i am.

My heart goes out to everyone having bigger problems, and issues out there.

Yet my head remains firmly in my own world.

How humanitarian is that for you?

The Link

I'm having problems focusing.

Actually, i've always had problem focusing. Maybe somewhere along the lines doctors should have diagnose me with ADD. Because my ability to get distracted is legendary.

Like right now. My morning classes have been cancelled, and i'm supposed to be studying for my uber hard (clue: everyone failed it last year) test. And yet here i am, blogging and facebooking like i didn't have a care in the world. La-Di-freakin'-Da.

My commitment to something was recently brought up. And its not exactly the first time i've been on the receiving end of such comments. And here's my problem: I Like Too Many Things. And the fact is, i tend to do moderately well at these things.

So yes, as cliche as this sounds, i've ended up being Jack of All Trades, Master to... None.

I don't want to choose. It's almost like asking me to choose which leg i'd like to amputate. Both work fine, but if i cut one off, i'll be able to be the best skipper around, instead of a pretty ok runner. Ok, bad analogy, but you get my drift.

I could always push myself to the limit. Study my arse off, start practicing and performing more music, read up and do more research for debates, and slot in time for daily moot practice. Oh, and let's not forget my commitment to Vox.

Forget any R&R and social life. Forget shopping trips and hours watching tv shows on my laptop.
Forget about getting a boyfriend cause i'd never have enough time and attention to give out.

So do i have it in me?

Trysts

Sticky silence linger
Sours on the melancholy
Simmer prolonged by the knife-
Streams light, gushes.

Shaky ground and yet-you
Intertwine lucid madness
I will believe-
ignore the signs
But thy trysts
Still trump true trust.

Stripped Away

Old, cliched argument, i know.

But what if we were all, stripped away from the superficial assets that define us?

A beautiful face. An enviable and lusted-after body. The gift of gab. A superior intellect. Money. Power. Talent. Charisma.

What are we to the world?

People say a person's personality is what defines him/her. A well cultivated lie, that. Almost a myth, legendary in its overtones of sickly sweet warmth and feel good bastadry.

Yet, a person in the eyes of the public is defined by these superficial assets, whether we like it or not. Is there a point in developing an agreeable personality that is dictated by society then?

Should we all stop trying?

She May Run.... But She May Return Too.

Greetings to the army of one. Ah, i see a gentlemen lurking at the back. Looks like we've got quite a crowd today, all of two. Welcome, welcome.....

Yes, so i break promises about writing more often than i can make 'em. Its absolutely horrendous how one-tracked i can get when it comes to work. I'd like to proudly put up my hand when anyone asks 'So who here can multitask?' with the rest of the female population, but sadly, i've realised how when i am burdened with work, all i can think of is:

a. the work; and
b.'So what time do i get off and have some fun?'.

Thus, as you can clearly see, its either work or rest/fun, and nothing whatsoever to do with activities that are *gasp!* good for my wellbeing.

So whats life been these past few weeks?

Oh, the usual. Piles of work stacked up. Projects that needed full and immediate attention- usually those that involve me volunteering to be in it. The expected financial crisis that was averted thanks to bail out by Bank of D.A.D.D.Y. The odd love life drama or two. And let's not forget the crazy antics of the people around me.

Yep, it doesn't get any more normal than this in the crazy little world that i inhabit.

Out of the ordinary would be the recent NUS-UM Moot, where i managed to secure a tiny gold trophy that says: Best Oralist. Yes, i won it for being the best at doing something with my mouth....*winks*.

Now, as happy as i was at winning this (i'm not used to winning things that matter, you see..), i wasn't aware of the impact at first. I was happily traipsing around Singapore... no wait. I wasn't happy. All those cute clothes on sale that looked cheap until you convert it back to M'sian ringgit... that was painful. Managed to score a cute hat from a really cool store called FourSkin though =)

But anyways, back on track. I got back to my faculty Monday morning, and the word had spread. Proof: random people whom i don't even know their name congratulate me on the 'win'. Had my Deputy Dean parade me around for a bit during the talk by the ex-pm of India, Dr.A.P.J Abdul Kalam. Which was absolutely mortifying, mind you. Oh, and she plans on putting up a notice on the notice boards in the faculty soon. Geez.

I'm am not used to, nor do i enjoy being paraded like this. It really is nothing much, especially compared to some of the other achievements i've been lucky enough to reach, but never have i received so much fanfare. I suppose its because mooting is the premier activity of my chosen career, and thus my faculty does appreciate it. Unlike debates, where our achievements never make any of the headlines in uni, and we continue getting treated lower than most of the other student activities that represent the uni (read: atheletes).

I suppose i'm still trying to get over the bizarreness of it all. Let's hope people get bored real soon. After all, it isn't like its a juicy scandal..... People will get bored. Soon.

____________________________

At times, i've been accused of not knowing what i want.

I've been accused of being reckless for choosing to live in the moment.

I've been accused of ignoring the future.

But no, i do know what i want. I know exactly what i want. And that's the problem. Because i can't get what i want, i will settle for what i have right now and live for the moment. The future's too far away, and i will live my life the way it feels good right now.