I can't feel anything. I can't concentrate. I can't eat. I feel like just curling up in bed. Or dying.

I am ashamed that i feel this way. I am ashamed that i thought today as i was driving that maybe i should just get into an accident. Because that would be better than right now.

But i can't. I thank god that through this veil of darkness i still recognise that i owe people to do what i need to do now. Because i honestly would leave, if that option was one that wouldn't be unfair to other people.

I know i'm wrong. And i've tried. I suppose i'm still trying. But its not working. Not that it should. Its unfair for me to expect that it should. I need to deal with the consequences of my actions.

And the consequence feels like a noose tightly wrapped around my neck. The things said to me in such contempt might as well been substituted for a knife or a bottle of pills. And i guess i deserved them. And if i deserved them, then whats the point of my existance anymore?