24.02.2011

7 weeks till the end.

That's how long i've got to savour whats left of the only life i've known the past 14 years. That of a student in a formal education system.

The past few months of my life have seen me drifting aimlessly. I seem to have lost some internal anchor that's been the only thing forcing my consciousness to stay put.

Everything i do seems almost inconsequential.

I'm trying to concentrate on whats left of my education. But that has never been able to hold me down for long. Blame it on the parental pressure to be an academic over-achiever all my life. I've always needed to escape school.


And maybe that's why debating has always been my 'thing'. Its academic enough to pull the wool over the parental eyes, and it's always been fun and exciting enough to hold my attention. But debating can no longer be my 'thing'. Its ending now. And i should really move on.

Talk of my future always leaves me nauseous. When i'm in these conversations i sound like i know exactly what i'm doing. And to a certain extent, i do. It doesn't mean i like it, and it sure as hell doesn't mean i'm looking forward to it.

Yet. Maybe entering that new phase of my life is exactly what i need. Transitions are always the hardest, and maybe thats just whats happening. I am transitioning into adulthood. I'll go kicking and screaming though, but i'll go.

Because i have to.