Badass!

There is a monkey in my backyard. No Colin, i'm not kidding. No Liz, you can't adopt it.

The monkey was raping the neighbourhood stray cats. I've never been fond of those cats. Ever. In fact, those cats have made me absolutely hate cats. But being raped like that... it's kinda hard not to feel sorry for those cats. The scariest thing was, a day after i came home, there was a carcass of a cat outside the window of my bathroom. It stank to high heavens, but it was obvious it had been murdered, and the cat had been hanging on to dear life to the pipes outside the window.

Stomach-roiling sickness.

So when i saw it today, that damn monkey staring at me whilst i was cooking, i gave it the finger first. Stop laughing, that was just my first reaction. I started then looking threateningly at it. As i moved closer, disregarding my own safety (cue dramatic Jaws music), i shouted at it. And it jumped away.

It returned shortly, absolutely curious with me now. But every time i went near he ran away, scared. Fear in his eyes. I asked my mom if it was scared of anyone. 'Only your dad', she said.

But now the monkey was also scared of me. ME. HAH! TAKE THAT YOU STUPID MONKEY!

(the point of the story: nothing really)