The Inevitable

Fact: Everyone complains about getting older.

Fact: So have I.

Fact: But what about getting younger?

As corny as it is for me to talk about a Brad Pitt movie, the Curious Case of Benjamin has had me thinking these past few days. Maybe because of the coincidence in time of me watching it- i've just turned 22, but maybe getting younger all the time might not be such a good idea. I've met people across life's journey who are of an age where you'd expect a certain level of maturity from them. Yet the maturity displayed can at times be shocking- i know it's all about being young at heart and all, but really, should all the time you've spent on this earth be not be used for anything?

Turning older can, at times, suck ass. I suppose anyone who has gone through being 22 will admit that it gets scary hereonafter. 22 becomes 23 becomes 24..... Yeah. I think John Mayer encapsulates this feeling so well in Stop This Train.

"So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun"

But do i really want to be younger? I'm not so sure. There's a certain novelty about being young, or at least being younger than the average age in the room.

Well, there's nothing that we can do about huh? Let's at least make the time we've spent worth it today.

_________________________________________________

V-Day.

Never celebrated.

This year's the same.

The loneliness never ceases. But this year it's amplified by the people around me. Not because everyone's couply and all lovey dovey. But because everyone's the same.

And loneliness strikes the heart more piercingly when it finds it echoed so loudly around it.

Indulge Me In Frivolity

. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

I will not tag anyone in this. I'm doing this with Hannah for fun...

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Island in the Sun (Weezer)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Counting Down the Days (Natalie Imbruglia). Buahahaha- means i haven't met a guy i liked?

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Photobooth (Death Cab For Cutie). I suppose all the bday pictures?

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Take Your Time (Shayna Zaid). Hahahaha

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Creep (Radioahead)// hahahha :p

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Silence is Easy (Starsailor)// I talk to much??...

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Details in the Fabric (Jason Mraz ft James Morrison)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Warning Sign (Coldplay)- Anxiety much, Tharish?

WHAT IS 2+2?
Julia (Our Lady Peace)//

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Volcano (Damien Rice)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Two Days in February(Goo Goo Dolls)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Wonderwall (Oasis)- Guess even the Ipod won't tell me my future....

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
A Lack of Color (Death Cab For Cutie)- Yes, i wanna be fairer..... LOL

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
PDA (We Just Don't Care) John Legend- HAHAHA

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Use Somebody (Kings of Leon)- Hahahaha. Yes, i use them all

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Here In My Room (Incubus)- Dancing to the perfect makeout song? Oookayyy...

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
On Call (Kings of Leon)- HAHAHAHAHA. I never will die in peace huh?

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Waiting on the World to Change (John Mayer)- Buahahaha!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Beautiful World (Carolina Liar)- Awww...

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Say (John Mayer). Err...

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Juicebox (The Strokes)// Death by...Juice??

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Be My Husband (Nina Simone and Damien Rice). Ah, all those marriage proposals i turned down...

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
American Boy (Kanye and Estelle).

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Long Day (Matchbox Twenty)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Cheers Darlin' (Damien Rice)- Nice. Except u know, i don't wanna be singing this song instead.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Salute Your Solution (The Racontuers)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
You're So Gay (Katy Perry). HAHAHAHA. Yes, i have been known to attract the girls as well...

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Shape (Sugababes). Yes lah, i wouldn't have gotten so fat...

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Right to be Wrong (Joss Stone)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Closer (Travis)

Pull Me Apart.

10.11 a.m.

Supposedly clearing up my college room for the CNY holidays, but i'm tapping into whatever substandard internet connection i can get at the moment.

Here's the truth.

I was handed the phone two days ago. By one of my best friends. Who cared enough to do it. Who cared enough about me to know that it's just gotta stop. And i argued back- it's casual, give me some time, i swear i'm not as invested in this as you think i am.

So why the heck am i sitting here wondering whats going on the very moment a promise falls through?

Why couldn't i just leave? Why couldn't i run away in the other direction -fast?

Cause i'm scared. I'm freakin' terrified.

I'm scared of what will happen. If i pull out too soon. Or if i keep holding on. Because once i do this, there's no turning back.

I'm scared of being completely alone. And right now, this fear consumes me more than ever.

I can't keep doing this to myself. I don't want to be the idiot in this. I don't want to be the one left in pieces.

I wish i wasn't me for one second. I wish i wasn't this person who cared so much about everything and everyone, who believes that you should get what you give back.

But i guess the rest of the world doesn't believe in that. And here i am, the ultimate fool.

A Mark. A dent. A scratch?

I think being aware of world events and understanding the plight and suffering of those less fortunate is always a good thing. A bubble can sometimes equal to ultimate bliss, but apathy should never be the answer- thats how we got here in the first place.


I've always admired those ordinary men and women out there who care enough to do something about these things. My activist days may have been suspended for the time being, but that does not mean i care any less. Its just that the daily grind gets to you a little too much, and you stop making time for these things because you just do not have time. Which is why i truly admire people that stand up and do something.


But sometimes, certain things just make me wonder- are we making a difference with this?


I've always been taught by debate training, that you must always question : what do you hope to achieve out of the proposal? Doing something is all fine and dandy, but at the end of the day action taken should be to achieve something.

But here's the thing. Sometimes even that little bit you wanted, just doesn't happen.


I'm talking about the condemnation of Israel's action in the Gaza strip.


I came down for lunch one day and there was a huge banner for people to sign and write whatever message they want condemning the Israeli action. There were numerous signatures splashed across the banner, and oddly the first thing that came across this weird little head was: Geez. I bet half these kids don't even know where the Gaza Strip is.

But it's true, all they know is that:

a. We're Muslims/live in a Muslim country
b. Israel is a Jew state
c. Israel bomb innocent Palestinians.


A+B+C= Bad bad bad. Without uh, knowing the REAL situation? You know, the one where there isn't only one bad guy in the picture? Don't get me wrong though. I think whats going on at the Gaza Strip is a pathetic imitation of a justified war.


But back to the story. The said banner now hangs outside my college proudly. But um.... what exactly does this achieve? Will this make Isreal notice? Same goes with certain other 'actions' taken by organizations in M'sia. Will anything change with what you do?


The answer: Heck No.


Isreal, if it had an ounce of reason in it would have stopped already. We're dealing with not one, but two countries that seem to have almost disenfranchised themselves from their people and consumed with retaliation- they've probably forgotten what they were fighting for in the first place.


So your banners, your vigils, your writings. Nothing will change anything. Not there's anything that actually can be done to stop these fools from continuing to destroy whatever semblance of humanity that may exist there.


It's good to show that you care. By all means, do not stop doing it, thats not what i'm asking you to do. But here's my reality check for you:


Stop Kidding Yourself. The World Is Screwed.

I've forgotten how
The view from here
Regrets the light interfering
Admonishes the intrusion of anxiety
Only welcoming the calm
The chaos of silence



-I'm in the mood. Missing these sorta moments.

Here goes....

The new semester starts tomorrow. You know, the one where i'm supposed to try to win national rounds of Jessup and at the same time bring my grades up? Yeah, that one.

A new year starts in 3 days. You know, the one where i'm gonna try to be a better person by:

a. Cutting back on food and working out daily to lose weight
b. Party less, study more to bring up my grades
c. Spend a LOT less on frivalous matters
d. Re-prioritize the people in my life

Yes. The next few days will be the start of new things, and hopefully, they come in the same nice shiny packages they're supposed to be in.

I think i have it in me to achieve all this. All i need is the willpower, and most importantly, to lose the lazy-IDGAD (I Don't Give A Damn) attitude. There's no one to keep me on track now, so i must do this on my own, and i must believe that i can suceed on my own.

Happy New Year people. Party hard, then let's try for sustainable change.

Good stuff.

The Royals shots:

Royals 2008 Team UM recap: Won the main category. Cath was 7th best overall speaker, i was 5th. Took over 5 out of 10 spots in the top10 junior category speakers. One team in quarters of jr category, another made it into semis. Yes, it almost paid off for all os us *wipes sweat*

NHSD- The butt shots. Broke with a perfect score, knocked out in semi's. Ah, the luck, the luck. Again with the Best Speaker consolation (no.2 in the tourney this time)

Bar Council- the picture that describes the tourney for me: Tiring. And absolutely dissapointing

WUPID Opening Dinner with Cath and Vignesh Ashok from NUS- one of the most brilliant debaters i've had the opportunity to have met and debated against (and adjudicate me too!)

WUPID..... was WUPID lah. Didn't go in with expectations to break, but we were just so close entering that fina round. Oh well.