Pull Me Apart.

10.11 a.m.

Supposedly clearing up my college room for the CNY holidays, but i'm tapping into whatever substandard internet connection i can get at the moment.

Here's the truth.

I was handed the phone two days ago. By one of my best friends. Who cared enough to do it. Who cared enough about me to know that it's just gotta stop. And i argued back- it's casual, give me some time, i swear i'm not as invested in this as you think i am.

So why the heck am i sitting here wondering whats going on the very moment a promise falls through?

Why couldn't i just leave? Why couldn't i run away in the other direction -fast?

Cause i'm scared. I'm freakin' terrified.

I'm scared of what will happen. If i pull out too soon. Or if i keep holding on. Because once i do this, there's no turning back.

I'm scared of being completely alone. And right now, this fear consumes me more than ever.

I can't keep doing this to myself. I don't want to be the idiot in this. I don't want to be the one left in pieces.

I wish i wasn't me for one second. I wish i wasn't this person who cared so much about everything and everyone, who believes that you should get what you give back.

But i guess the rest of the world doesn't believe in that. And here i am, the ultimate fool.