Reality Check

In the last debate session i had, i kept saying "But Mr. Speaker, reality check". I'm not sure at what point my usually very serious debating style turned into bimbo-speak. Where art Thou, sophistication?

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Here's the reality check for my life:

1. Financial Status- absolutely depressing. I effin need to get paid!! I feel like an exploited Chinese sweatshop worker =(

2. Love life- still single. Cleaning up the mess of which i might have created, but i wish i was a little more heartless so that i could be blunt and get people to move on from something that never was. I'm not though, and funnily enough, in the process of trying not to get others hurt, i get emotionally distressed.

3. Friendships- i hate being in a fight, for the lack of a better word. As much as this might sound one-sided because it is only my side, i have done nothing wrong, thus i won't apologize. I believe that even if i did do something wrong, i should be told what it was, instead of being accused vaguely once and then given the silent treatment. Most of all, i hate dealing with immaturity. As a side note, Rob is leaving tomorrow. I'm gonna miss the outings, and the conversations with someone so different from my usual social circle. That last karaoke session was bittersweet.

4. Education- last semester's CGPA was less than stellar. I hate underperforming. It's probably due to a lifetime of being above average without trying too hard. Now i'm actually working for it, with nothing to show, and it is just so.damn.frustrating.

5. Music- had to cancel an open mic engagement last minute. Dima wasn't up for it, and i wasn't gonna do it alone. I guess i'm still afraid of being up there alone with my music.


1+2+3+4+5= Ok laaa... Life ain't that bad now, innit?

I Suffer You Badly

At the end of one of my rare (and in the grand scheme of my university life, my last) free semester break, i suppose there is an obligation to write about what i've done this holiday.

So here goes. Wait for it.

NOTHING!!!!

Well, nothing worthwhile, interesting, or i should be proud of.

My aim before i began my holidays were:

1. Lose weight
2. Make money
3. Make music
4. Improve my driving skills.

.... besides chillaxin' of course. That goes without saying.

I haven't lost any weight, despite cutting back on food. Due largely to my sloth like lifestyle this holidays, i've probably gained a few pounds. No, not in the right places.

I have been trying to make money by being an RA (Research Assistant) to not one, but TWO lecturers. Talk about being an overachiever. I'm pretty sure i'm the only student in my faculty's history to do this. Admittedly, i agreed to the second one under the impression it was lightweight work that wouldn't take long to be done, and i was helping out a friend. You know that saying about assumptions? Well, it made an ass out of me because the work turned out to be way more than what i expected and it's still not done! The money better be good *grumbles*

I've written three songs so far. Very lazy i have been. In my defense, the guitar just got fixed, and i just started playing again- getting the fingertips rough again (so unattractive on a girl, huh?). Two of the songs have some potential in them, but they still need a LOT of work. As a side note, putting up the video of Voices has met with some pretty positive response. It's always good when people show positive interest in your music, especially when you're a struggling musician such as I *cue the violins*

Driving skills. Improved? Probably a teensy weensy bit. But i am getting the car this semester, so woot woot! Ok, so i can drive just inside the compounds of the campus (which, really, is a good idea, trust me), but mobility on campus is still a plus point, considering the two ELs i am taking the next semester, plus it makes going swimming much easier (to lose the weight, see above).

What have i accomplished?

Four seasons of Weeds, one season of Private Practice, one season of One Tree Hill, one season of The O.C, one season of Gilmore Girls, a few movies, a few episodes of The Tudors, a few episodes of Supernatural.

Sigh, holiday bliss...

Bits and Pieces

Due to the fact that i haven't updated my blog in awhile, and of course my random nature, this post will be a mish mash of everything.

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Story No. 1: The American Experience.

As much as i wish i could list down all the place we visited in DC and NY, it wouldn't be much of a list. Mostly because we spent our time in DC watching the breaking rounds, and shopping our butts off in NY.

We didn't break, but i guess ranking 61st in the world, and having 3 out of 4 mooters in the top 100 (well, top 80 technically) is a pretty ok achievement. We were just so close to breaking, only if we had strategized better. It hurt at first when judges who met after break night saying they were surprised we didn't break, but it is heartening nonetheless. The international rounds also were a good indicator that Malaysians, or Asians, whether in debates or moots, are too stingy with scores. The best oralist of the finals in 06 gave me a 96, whilst in the national rounds, the highest i could score was a 90.

The fact that i've seen this happen in debates too much is also disheartening. Maybe i don't deserve such high scores, but must it take outsiders to appreciate what we've got?

On a lighter note, NY was awesome! I wish i had more space in my luggage, more spending money, though the amount we had was more than enough for this former tomboy to buy shoes, clothes and.... makeup. Yes, finally, i bought my own makeup. I've been slowly learning how to put on my own makeup, which is sad that i'm only learning (to be a woman) at the age of 22.

In NY, i felt like i was literally walking around in a Gossip Girl episode. I even spotted the NY Palace from across the road. screamed a bit, and everyone just went nuts! LOL. There was also the NBC studios of 30 Rock, and of course the awesome UN experience. We were lucky enough to have delegates bringing us into places you can't go as part of the public tour, such as the security council and the delegates' lounge. It was heartening when my coach's friend, an Argentinian delegate, was encouraging about my hope of being a delegate myself. She responded to my coach's surprise ("Tharishni, i've always thought you were the litigator type"- meaning i'm the tough, no-nonsense, not exactly nice-and-diplomatic type) by saying that you need tough women in the GA, that a diplomatic disposition isn't necessarily the stereotype that should be followed in the GA.

A ton of friends made, and a new close friend, who'll be visiting from the States soon!

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Story No.2: Arau Open

Often the victim of unfair adjudicating, i guess i should get used to this. So let's move on to something new.

Arau Open was a very new experience for me for 2 reasons. The first is being left in charge of the whole contingent after Becks left. I suppose after being the irresponsible one on team UM all this time, it was definitely a new perspective. I tried to be the 'fun' leader, but i think that ended up with me letting a lot of things slide, and being disrespected as the person in charge. I guess being the 'fun' leader can't be an absolute.

Number two would be the people i met and befriended. I suppose that after my first semester debating, the people i hung out with from other universities were always the same. You do meet new people, but you tend to have that group or individuals that you just click with and tend to gravitate to. Perhaps its the comfort of the familiar, or the fact that i'm just a really shy person (which people tend to mistake for arrogance).

So many of them have left now, or at least are taking a break. I suppose my problem has also been the fact that i used to get along well with the debate seniors, until people seem to think that i've been around for a long time, when in truth, i've only been debating for less than 2 years. I still remembered Fareez's (another old friend who's not around anymore) reaction at Royals this year: "You, debating junior category? But you're a fossil". When i retorted about his age and the fact that this was really my 2nd Royals, he was surprised. It's been the same old story ever since i was DCA of IIU League. Most people didn't realise that i was just starting my 2nd year of debates at that time.

So at Arau, i made new friends, some juniors, but most are those who started debating the same time as i did, just that they never did realise about the little known fact of when i started. And it was fun. I miss the old peeps, and this being the first tournament without someone who has been somewhat a constant fixture in tournaments throughout my debating career, made me think about said person more than i have the past few months. Making me realise that i do miss the old times.

But it's time to move on, and to come into my own. I'm hoping i'm there already.
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Story No.3: Of writing, and music

I cannot tell you how happy i was when It started again. I was trying to sleep, and words came out and all i could do was get up and get them down. God, it's been far too long. The poetry wasn't in anyway quality stuff (refer to the previous post), but i'm just happy that i'm writing again.

Now, all i need is to start writing music again. I've been recording some random melodies, and am waiting for the guitar to be fixed. I've promised myself that i'll start recording proper, in a studio, come the new semester. And performing more too.

I've recently been offered a pseudo-job writing for an online maganize. It doesn't pay, but there are perks, and more importantly, it's recognition and a way for me to just keep writing. It's been awhile since i've been published. It'll be nice to see my name in print, and writing stuff that matters to more than me and a handful of stalkers.

Growth

Tell me that my songs
have never encroached upon
some semblance of sanity
reflected on an emblem of war
you've dclared against me

Tell me that my words
Once esteemed and pedestel bound
Have been uncrowned-
Found uncouth in your new scheme

Tell me that my deeds
Are now mud and soot upon your shoulders
Past any virtuos intent,
Over the bridges of common courtesy
Beyond the border of propriety.

Check your conscience at the door
Remove what may be mistaken for regret-
Then tell me the above truths
Proper guilt should follow- befitting
Only in your direction

What I Learnt In 27 Hours

27 hours of travel. Go figure.

1. The experience of listening to the intro (where the guitars and and drums are just banging furiously in beautiful harmony) of Coldplay's Politik whilst the plane runs really fast across the tarmac and lifts off is just amazing. I don't know how to describe it. Its just this mad rush that makes you feel so alive.

2. I used to love traveling. I used to love flying. Until i spent 8 hours, then 17 on a Qatar Airways flight. Now i'm a lot more sceptical. Travel is great, but i don't think i'll look forward to it the way i did before.

3. I cannot study on planes. Or in airports. I may be able to read some fiction, but that is it.

4. Not all airports in the world have expensive food. Some have standard prices. And then there's Doha where regular fries are around RM15.

5. Travelling with friends can be fun. But there's just so much you can talk about. It might, at times, come down to a discussion about bodily functions you thought you'd never have with each other.

6. I cannot eat, and then sleep while flying. Nausea ensues. It never came down to actually using the barf bag, thank god.

7. I need to learn to not be so shy when i need food. Then i might actualy get Doritos with salsa.

8. Apparently there is no difference between being a lacto-ovo vegetarian and a normal one. I still get fruit for desert, instead of some scrumptious cake, etc.

9. There is a variety of ways to keep you occupied in the airport. Duty free is 90% of it.

10. I suck at math.

11. I like kids, as much as try to deny it. And they love me back. It's a win-win, as long as they're not mine.

The Madness

... does not affect me much.

I've been staying over at a friend's place with the 3 other bah kut tehs, and i seem to be the one most relaxed, chilled and the one getting sleep at regular hours. Yes, we are all cramming for our exams. Sigh.

Now, i'm not sure if my habit is a good thing. I'm pretty sure that putting in that extra crazy effort must be done in the last 48 hours before the paper. I'm sure it's a good thing.

So tell that to my body.

I have to get my food. I have to get my sleep. I have to take breaks to relieve my boredome. I have to talk to my friends at occasion about non-study related stuff.

It' s how i've functioned throughout my life, and i know there should always be a time to change. But this just reminds me of the last time i went bowling. See, I throw my balls like a caveman. I knock down 9 pins in one throw. But my friends kept telling me i should learn how to throw proper. So i tried and kept doing the fabulous move called the gutter ball. I hate losing. So i went back to what works: the caveman move.

So this is why i'm gonna stick to my own moves for now.

Good luck for exams peeps. And if you do get a peek at the questions, do holla ;D


P/S- I'm just hoping no future employer sees this. Cause i'm pretty sure i'd get a big fat stamp on my application that says: LAZY.

Swoop in.

It's been awhile. And for the same reasons why it's been awhile, this will have to be quick.

WE WON JESSUP! WE FREAKIN' WON THE MALAYSIAN NATIONAL ROUNDS!!!!!!

Ok. Now that's out of the system. I'll be leaving for D.C on the 19th, and the competition will be from 22nd-28th March. Then it's 3 days in New York, baby.

After years and years of having my life influenced by American pop culture, i will finally step foot on the same soil that has, in some ways, shaped the kind of person i am. Damn you, western influences (says this while wearing t-shirt that says FBI and drinking coca-cola).

Pray for us. Heck, pray for me, that i won't get eaten alive by scary judges.

Oh, and cute boys. If you can pray i get granted some of that, i'd be happy too =)

P/S- I <3 my team mates.