I Hate This Part Right Here.

Oh, the irony of quoting a Pussycat Dolls song.

Hard decisions. I usually face challenges head on, and i try to do the right thing, make the right decisions. Unfortunately i do not apply the same logic when it comes to decisions that involve my heart.

I run away.

I run away scared because i don't want to make decisions that might just hurt me.I hate being the whiny one who curses the cosmos for giving me such awful luck when it comes to such matters, but i can't help but do so. I think i have a healthy amount of self-confidence to know that there's nothing inherently wrong with me. I think the healthy amount of interest shown towards me validates this cocky statement.

But now i am faced with a dilemma. The classic conundrum of instinct vs rationale. Instinct says stay, rationale says give up. I hope my instinct isn't clouded by the fact that i am not a quitter, or that i'm just scared of losing out on a good opportunity. And unlike the other party, my two choices don't consist of two persons. My choices are waiting for the possibility of something good, or to leave and be alone.

Perhaps i'm being negative about my choices. I suppose for some people, and i'll admit i have throughout my life been one of them, would rather be alone than to keep hanging on to a pipe dream, one that is propped up by a bare minimum of encouragement. Because they know that it's better to be alone than to have your head, and heart messed around with.

But maybe it's time for me to stop trying so damn hard to protect myself. It's never worked. Nothing good has ever come out of it.

Ok. Enough psychobabble. I've got better things to do, at least more important work.

I've got no master plan to help me out
Or make me stand up for
All the things that I really want
You had me to afraid to ask
And as I look ahead of me
Cry and pray for sanity
-These Walls by Teddy Geiger