Don't Stop Zee Presses!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Path from Hereon

Its the end of my 4th week interning at the law firm. I entered into the firm with some trepidation, as it was not my first choice, and i had heard nothing much of this firm. I didn't expect much, and i expected to be bored outta my mind.

I was DEAD wrong.

There are some days of course, where you get bored. Like today :p. But the experiences this firm has given me far surpasses anything any other firm could've offered me. The things i've done, i can't even mention here as they are highly confidential, and that tells you something in itself. I've been so insanely lucky, that i don't blame my friends if they think my experiences are tall tales. I have one of the nicest bosses ever. He maintains a professional distance, but he never scolds nor rasises his voice, and the best part is that he knows what kind of work i can and cannot handle. There are times i've felt overburdened, yes, but those periods are few and far between, and let's face it, i'm a bum so i'll always be allergic to work.

So yes, sometimes its sucky to be so tired and not have your weekdays to yourself. But the excitement makes up for it, at least thats what the me of today will testify to. I don't know about the future though. I'm not sure if i'd be given the same opportunities in the future. I'm not even sure if the same things will still excite me. I know the lawyers who were with me on one occasion did not seem as thrilled as i was. They were more concerned about work. And fair enough, that is their job. I'm just not certain if thats what i want to become.

And oh. The lawyers haven't really had a weekend to themselves in quite awhile.....

Audi.

If i'm honest to myself.

It was the idea that i wanted. And maybe not the person so much. And i think its very much a vice versa, or as the nerdy law student would say, mutatis mutandis.

So. Yeah. I think i've decided. A bit prematurely, perhaps. But if thats what we both want, than thats what it will be.

I'll be alright. I think i'm already alright with it, i think, if the past few weeks are any indication. Maybe that niggling feeling was always the one i should've listened to after all.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Cycles.

Hurtling down the road, behind the wheel. Alone.

Rain pours like crazy. Avril Lavigne's My Happy Ending randomly playing on the road.

And suddenly they came. Stream down the cheeks.

Non-conformist my ass. Just as cliche as the rest.

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But it was just a moment. It's passed now. I'm ok.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Hardest Part

Its funny how your feelings can take a 180 degree turn all after a night's sleep.

I was strangely at peace last night. I was ok. It was odd, but it felt right.

...And this morning, completely different. I'm suddenly reluctant. Very, very reluctant. There's a sinking feeling and i loathe it. It's been awhile since i've felt this way. I feel claustrophobic. The four walls of my room felt too closed, no longer the comfort it usually was.

Am i making this hard for myself, or is it really hard?

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Fight.

You know how sometimes you've listened to a song many, many times before, but suddenly one day, you listen to it and the lyrics hit you real hard? Odd, isn't it, how suddenly those words come into context?

During this morning's commute to work, the shuffle function on my Ipod came up with two songs that hit that spot. The first was Josh Auer's Dear You. I've liked this song for the lullabye like melody and the clever use of a piano hook. But this morning, i really heard the lyrics. I felt them. Especially this part:

Here's a thought
We're all that we've got in the world
If we let it be
We're only as good as the fall

It got me thinking. Almost everyone i know lives a pretty much fulfilling life right now. They either have school or a career, a somewhat loving family, and more importantly, good friends. So when a relationship ends, there's always that something to fall back on. When you lose someone, there's so much more that can and will take it's place. I'm not saying we never get hurt, never fall apart, never feel the loss, but there's always that crutch, and it's a good thing.

But has that made us complecent? Has that made us unwilling to fight for love?

I had tea with Asil yesterday, and she told me not to run away. She's kinda sick of how short term my relationships have been. I don't blame her. Heck, i am too. But i've always been so much more than just a girl in a relationship. And thats cushioned me when it crumbles. But was it also the reason why a lot of us don't just stay and fight for it? If all you had was love, i think it changes things. I think it changes everything. I think you fight so much harder when its the one and only thing thats left in the world for you. And maybe, just maybe, thats why so many relationships fall easily nowadays.

But i know for some it doesn't have to be that way for them to appreciate and fight for what they've got. To those of you whom that statement applies to, i salute you. I hope someday i become as brave as you are.
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What was the 2nd song?

Transatlantism.

I'm not sure why i haven't deleted that song. Its a good song, a really good one. But i know, i'll always think of him when i hear it. It's kinda hard to forget a moment like that. Damn it.