Fight.

You know how sometimes you've listened to a song many, many times before, but suddenly one day, you listen to it and the lyrics hit you real hard? Odd, isn't it, how suddenly those words come into context?

During this morning's commute to work, the shuffle function on my Ipod came up with two songs that hit that spot. The first was Josh Auer's Dear You. I've liked this song for the lullabye like melody and the clever use of a piano hook. But this morning, i really heard the lyrics. I felt them. Especially this part:

Here's a thought
We're all that we've got in the world
If we let it be
We're only as good as the fall

It got me thinking. Almost everyone i know lives a pretty much fulfilling life right now. They either have school or a career, a somewhat loving family, and more importantly, good friends. So when a relationship ends, there's always that something to fall back on. When you lose someone, there's so much more that can and will take it's place. I'm not saying we never get hurt, never fall apart, never feel the loss, but there's always that crutch, and it's a good thing.

But has that made us complecent? Has that made us unwilling to fight for love?

I had tea with Asil yesterday, and she told me not to run away. She's kinda sick of how short term my relationships have been. I don't blame her. Heck, i am too. But i've always been so much more than just a girl in a relationship. And thats cushioned me when it crumbles. But was it also the reason why a lot of us don't just stay and fight for it? If all you had was love, i think it changes things. I think it changes everything. I think you fight so much harder when its the one and only thing thats left in the world for you. And maybe, just maybe, thats why so many relationships fall easily nowadays.

But i know for some it doesn't have to be that way for them to appreciate and fight for what they've got. To those of you whom that statement applies to, i salute you. I hope someday i become as brave as you are.
_________________

What was the 2nd song?

Transatlantism.

I'm not sure why i haven't deleted that song. Its a good song, a really good one. But i know, i'll always think of him when i hear it. It's kinda hard to forget a moment like that. Damn it.

Cracks

It hurts.

I'm not sure if it should. And i don't know if you know.

But it hurts.

And i can't keep pretending i'm too rational for emotions.

Pictorial Footpath

No more kissing camels for me, i hope!

MDO with Omes- the possible swan song

Pensive- The accompanying shot for my Vox article this year

CQ Teo- Best mcm babi. And my re-introduction to the world of high school debating.

Dima's groupies- Feseni 2010

Dr.C's wedding- My first ever gig as an emcee for a wedding
Carpark laughter- My 23rd

The year so far.

TA-DAH!

It's bright. I know. But i LAVV it. So deal.

Sunshine on a Loop

I wanna change my blog's layout. Seriously. How do you get one of those cool ones anyways?

Randomness aside. I'm blogging at the end of a crappy day. Because i believe the crap will stop. I hope.

Life's been real good lately. Which is funny cause its exams season. But its true. Life doesn't stop happening just because your university decides to freeze it for you. It moves and you move with it.

And you know life's good, when you can blog about how good life is at the end of a crappy day.

And then...

There are days when you tend to feel so very lonely. Physical distance added with the distraction of pertinent obligations makes things so much harder.

I've been going into my psycho mode the past few days. Its exams season, i've been as usual, immune to any form of exam stress, even as i am forcing myself to study. Maybe being stressed out isn't a good thing, but not feeling the pressure is probably why i've found so much time to blog. Heh.

The psycho mode includes a lot of talking to myself. Due to the fact that i don't want to talk to anyone else, i end up doing this quite a bit. Sometimes my mom walks into my room and sees me laughing. What she doesn't know is that i was laughing at my own joke. Scary, i know.

There are days when you think you're all alone in this world. And then you remember that he once publicly declared that he

"is glad that he has you to wake up to. And you to think of when he goes to bed"

And then you forget all the nasty thoughts. And smile to yourself.

Collateral Damage

We're all just selfish, really. Each and everyone of us. We try, to a certain extent, to shield the ones we care about. But in pursuing our own happiness, we end up hurting others. Why? Because in the end, its really ourselves first, isn't it?

I think it finally hit me today. That whilst i built my own happiness, whilst both of us did, we've been hurting other people. And the worse part is, we've hurt people who actually care about us.

But we can't make everyone happy. Not if its at the cost of our own happiness. We'll try to minimize the damage, but its all unintended collateral damage. Scraphnel from the decisions we've made.

There is guilt. I assure you. But we can't, and we won't live that way. And if they truly care about us, then let us go, of our sin.