Scroll Day.

t’s the day before my convocation, and as fate would have it, I’m not swamped with work. I’m actually… free. But saying, or typing that out makes me feel like I’m jinxing it. Its times like these that I’m always afraid that the call to the chambering area is meant for me, and that a pile of almost impossible work is waiting for me.

In what should only be completely appropriate, a good think through of life right now is in order. Work, despite what has been written above, isn’t too bad. I tend to go into things headfirst, with the worst expectations as my helmet. And surprised I was. Everyone’s really nice. I may not have the most personable master, but he’s isn’t nasty, nor does he overwork me. At all. And occasionally it’s been totally fun. Last Friday night’s charity event saw me choreographing the girl’s part of the dance- something I’ve NEVER done before. And um, it was a kinda sultry little dance =p. AND WE WON! So fuck it. All that work and putting aside any form of embarrassed feelings was worth it.

The routine is alright. Time flies fast enough, the next thing I know it’s lunch time. Then its time to go home. Then its work again. I think that's probably what I hate the most. It kinda feels like a never ending cycle. And I’m not too sure I’m passionate about this. It’s… aiteee.. But I don’t know if aite is good enough for life. Having some money is nice enough though. And that’s probably the only reason why life doesn’t totally suck now.

So tomorrow. I guess when I embarked on the journey known as law school, I thought by the time I received my scroll, I’d have it all figured out. I’d be chambering and would either be so passionate about the law I’d see myself as a partner in 7 years. Or so disappointed with it I’d already have made plans post-chambering. My parents would be all proud on that day- though I’d never be naïve enough to think they wouldn’t be bickering about some small thing or another. And the man I’d end up marrying someday would be there too, waiting with a bouquet of flowers. So I’d have two massive bouquets, the scroll barely visible, huge smile and looking gorgeous. I’d have it all figured out. At 24.

The reality is I’m still feeling my way through. I’m completely uncertain about the path ahead of me. I am essentially single and feel nothing for anyone. In fact, I can’t remember what it’s like to feel that way anymore. And thats a little bit more than a little sad. I’ll be getting one massive bouquet in pale lilac and pink- yes, I told my dad what I wanted. I don’t have juniors enforced under some silly buddy system buying me gifts, and my brothers won’t be there. Specifically, my eldest brother, the one whom I’m closest to, because he’s in NZ right now. I’ll have some fab pictures, I hope, since my parents have made me hire a photographer. But I kinda have to wear a bloody saree, in order to fulfil parental cultural obligations. Gaaargh.

I’m in the running for the Anugerah Raja Datuk Sooria award, which is the best all-round law student, but I doubt I’ll win it. That’s what you get for ditching law school activities for debates, and ditching your studies for living.

I don’t regret anything. But sometimes. Sometimes you just wish that you were really the girl who had everything.

(Update as at 7.49p.m- Just got back from work. And yes, work did come in. Rolling in, knocking over each other leaving me harried. As usual. But the announcement that one of my closest friends is taking a day off from work for my convo just lit up my day!)